“The Irish were invading our towns with their ‘uncleanly and negligent habits’. They brought with them ‘filth, neglect, confusion, discomfort and insalubrity.” – Royal Commission 1836
“Ireland is pouring into the cities and even into the villages,’ cried a Times leader in 1847, a fetid mass of famine, nakedness, dirt and fever.”
“The lower order of Irish papists are the filthiest beings in the habitable globe. They abound in dirt and vermin and have no care for anything but self-gratification.” – Liverpool Herald, 1855
Bewildered local bigots were left shocked this week regarding Wicklow County Council’s approval for a refugee centre at the old Telecom Eireann site, Emoclew Road, Arklow. The centre, rumoured to hold a minimum of 264,000 inmates, will also house a Mosque – reputed to be the largest Islamic place of worship outside of Mecca – bumper cars and ten-pin bowling alley for recreational purposes. The academic intelligentsia of the townsfolk have welcomed the news of the new arrivals, as regeneration, plurality and diversity of culture are never a bad thing, but members of the Arklow Defence League have been left incensed at “not being consulted” as official gatekeepers of the town.
“Emoclew is welcome spelt backwards but not for those fucks,” decried a furious Rihanna Doyle whilst devouring a Big Mac in her Korean-made SUV monstrosity whilst parked blocking most of the footpath on her school run. “Like we all know this is a Klaus Schwab-Great Replacement-15-minute city arghsdfsdf blah […] [indecipherable verbal diarrhoea] […] blah argh fuck plot pushed here by the well funded NGO Globalist scum running this country!
I’ve no problem with outsiders coming into the town, I’m even married to a fella of Rathnew, but deres no facilities for dese military-aged men,” sputtered the now apoplectic tanning salon and pharmaceutically uppered Bouncy castle Catholic. “I’m only back from getting me butt-lift and breast implants from Turkey and your man who did the job over dere was a brown Muslim, so I’m not racist but his kind better not think twice about comin over here!”
I simply suggested to Rihanna that we are all immigrants: it simply depends how far back you go. That even her own surname, Doyle, was “used as a byname for Scandinavians in particular to distinguish the darker-haired Danes from fair-haired Norwegians.”- Ancestry.Com
“Like where are we gonna put these lads when we can’t even house our own? By fuck, if Mohammed and Fatima think they are jumpin the queue for my daughters Mickey money gaff when they start breedin like rabbits here they have another thing comin like. I’m only thinking about social gaffs for me grandkids and after and no fuckin cultural diversity will endanger that! Unlike us true Gaels, all they do is take, take, take!”
“All over Europe, economists are nervously scanning demographic trends and tripping over one inescapable fact: if national economies are going to grow at a level sufficient to provide pensions for the existing working population, then serious immigration is a necessity, whatever anyone feels about it. Few politicians choose to spell this out as boldly as they should. But immigration, far from being a threat to our way of life, might one day turn out to be quite the opposite: our best hope.” – Bloody foreigners: The story of immigration to Britain, Robert Winder
“Well, meself and me partner, Caden, comes from a proud tradition of dolers, we have seven fat bastard children, each as thick as the last, but if even one refugee moves here on 200 quid a week they will singlehandedly collapse the entire school, road and healthcare system, and where will we be then like? The new sewage system isn’t even ready here yet, so it defo can’t take any more shite, especially from bleedin foreigners! My ancestors have been shitting in that river for generations! The Avoca is full!”
Quoting public intellectual, Naomi Klein, I posit to Rihanna that she is unwittingly aping the “either/or dualistic thinking that is the central ideological component of all systems of domination in Western society.”
“We’re losin our pure culture of Celts, Vikings, Normans and British every day to dese chancers,” stated the self-confessed Kardashian-obsessed, Prosecco guzzling, McDonald’s munching, Nintendo, Sony and iPhone purchasing maladaptive.
“I would be afraid now to go down the town with all these new strangers about the town. I used to often get me nails done in one of the Asian places, a pint or two of Dutch branded lager in me local Chinese-owned pub, or bring the sons to the Turkish Barber and then get a takeaway after from the third-generation Italian owned chipper. Now I’m just praying that even one of these refugees commits a crime so I’ll be proven right and can livestream a concerned citizen video on me sweatshop-produced phone, on Chinese-owned THICK-Tok or US-owned Fakebook then! Ireland is full, and so is my womb!”
“Well, any immigrant must function solely as an economic unit, somebody has to pay off our national debt and I can’t do it all by myself, you know,” proclaimed Dublin blow-in, self-made alpha male, company drone, corporate lapdog, Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro disciple Billy No-Mates.
“Even though I had all my college fees and living allowances paid by the state with the Back to Education Allowance, I detest all forms of socialism-which I endlessly confuse with communism- and spongers. RTE says we are at “FULL EMPLOYMENT” so there’s absolutely no excuse for immigrants not to work endlessly at the poorly paid shit jobs we won’t do and then kindly return home to die then. The more I hate my job, then the more I hate those who have none. I’m not even from the town myself but at least I offer fantastic value for money. I know the price of everything and the value of nothing, bar my Tesla. Macbook, iPhone 29 and Apple TV.”
I counterargue this supposition from Billy by quoting David Grabb that “most policymakers don’t actually want to fully achieve [full employment], as genuine full employment would put too much “upward pressure on wages.” That Marx argued a “reserve army of the unemployed” has to exist for capitalism to work the way it’s supposed to,” to serve as a constant reminder to the employed what will happen if they step out of line.
“I am the self-appointed adjudicator of who gets to stay in MY estate, they must not be a parasitic drain on the public purse like my multinational employer syphoning billions in global revenues through our overly generous tax regime, the largest tax avoidance schemes this side of Panama,” stated No-Mates.
“I’m not completely heartless though, I accidently ran over a migrant at the top of MY estate the other day, but I resisted spitting on his corpse when I spotted he was wearing a Deliveroo jacket. He had clearly INTEGRATED and ADAPTED to the our Gaelic nation’s propensity for Native American tribe branded pizza or East Asian cuisine and, for that, I could only salute this fallen soldier.”
Local LGBTQIXYWZFGTR+++—-~~~###@@@@/.com activist Ivan Narrisick stated he would welcome any migrants to the town on the strict condition they are all members of his community. “Once they are all LGBTQIXYWZFGTR+++—-~~~###@@@@/.com then I don’t mind at all. I’m always available to oversee apartheid of them from the heteronormative refugee population, after which I will tirelessly campaign to make sure that only they receive better living conditions and opportunities. Equality through segregation is my motto.”
“The metaphors for immigration are usually aquatic: we talk of floods and tides, of being swamped or drowned. We might do better to think of Britain as a lake refreshed by one stream that bubbles in and another that trickles out. The fish might squabble and at times attack one another; conditions sometimes favour the pike, sometimes the minnow. Every so often the incoming stream stirs the still pond, but over time the lake adapts and develops a new, unexpected ecology. Without the oxygen generated by fresh water, it would stagnate. “-Bloody foreigners: The story of immigration to Britain, Robert Winder
