“If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.” – Malcolm X
Local “concerned residents” were rejoicing this week at the news that the bastion of white purity that is Wetherspoons will accompany the new Emoclew Road mosque site. The deadlock between local officials and the local lynch mob was finally breached as crisis talks reached tensions not witnessed since the Cuban Missile Crisis.
“Well, I went on de local radio dere a while back to assure the locals but sure being the gombeen relic of the ancien régime that I am, I fucked things up royally and actually confused the matter more than before I went on the airwaves in the first place. I’d say I could have got a job with the KGB back in the day with the amount of disinformation I spew only they would have the luxury of not even having to concoct de subterfuge for me cos I don’t even know what shite Im saying meself half the time!” confessed Cllr Fiztbollocks.
“Like, tis fierce complicated now in politics with all de abuse us poor reps get on de Tik Tokin and Whatsappin. Back when I started out, ya just waited for an incumbent relative to die to get the seat and pressed the flesh at the odd funeral. Sure twas a glorious time with either Fianna Fail or Fine Gael guaranteed to have a say in local politics, and sure, like wrestlin, all we had to was pretend there was actually some rivalry between the two parties whilst all de voters physically and metaphorically on dere knees at Mass were too browbeaten to even protest us carving up the country for ourselves and our cronies!
To be honest, I couldn’t give a fuck about the young voters leavin in dere droves and still livin with their parents at 40 years of age once we get the bare minimum of de ‘Official Ireland’ silver vote grannies at Mass to think Im doin a good job!”
“‘What’s Official Ireland?’ […] I coined the phrase in the Thurles piece to identify the Irish Establishment, all elements of it: political parties, the Catholic Church, the Gaels not just in sport but in the arts and every cultural nook and cranny, including Irish journalism, all celebrating in one form or another a narrow version of Irish identity that was, in essence, bogus.” – The Rocky Road, Eamon Dunphy
“I got the usual correspondence from the Fascists for Arklow, Make Arklow Great Again, The Arklow Defence League, Brothers of Arklow, The Sons of Tinbhear Mor and We Fuckin Hate Anybody Not from Arklow, The Legion of Concerned Arkla Residents Committee and I get on well with them as I went to school with all their fathers and played de GAA against the rest of dere fathers, but I notice a new development that der are immigrants here who are racist against other immigrants. This suits de party down to the ground anyway once these oblivious handmaids of the status quo are all pointin their fingers at refugees instead of the true cause of the country’s woes, the representatives and elites supposedly running the show! I’d be a big fan of de aul Karl Marx and I think he said it best alright:”
What a sight! This infinitely proceeding division of society into the most manifold races opposed to one another by petty antipathies, uneasy consciences and brutal mediocrity, and which, precisely because of their reciprocal ambiguous and distrustful attitude, are all, without exception although with various formalities, treated by their rulers as conceded existences. And they must recognize and acknowledge as a concession of heaven the very fact that they are mastered, ruled, possessed! – And on the other side are the rulers themselves, whose greatness is in inverse proportion to their number! – A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right, Karl Marx
“One of dese new racist immigrants who has recently arrived to the parish is Tommy Prickford from Warrington, who only roared down the phone at me de other day that he ‘didn’t leave little England just to be surrounded by even more “fuckin Ragheads!’” intimated Cllr Fitzbollocks.
“Well, don’t tell me about emigration darling as me great, great, great grand cousin emigrated from Arklow in the late 1800s in search of a better life but ended up a member of the infamous Houlihan gang in London, which evidence suggests spawned the pejorative and discriminatory term “Hooligan,” proclaimed a proud Tommy Prickford.
The etymology of the term Hooligan has been stated as:
“An English approximation to an Irish surname often rendered as Houlihan. The word stems from the rough behaviour associated with a number of Houlihans, probably immigrant labourers in the eighteenth century.” – A Concise Dictionary of Phrase and Fable (1993), B. A. Phythian
“Probably from Hoolihan, Hooligan, name of an Irish family, whose members were notorious hoodlums.” – A Comprehensive Etymological Dictionary of the English Language (1966), Ernest Klein
“Here as a single, unvetted man of fighting age he raped, robbed and murdered as much as he could but we weren’t given free mansions, medical cards and dole like all these fackin spongers comin’ ova now!” shouted an animated Prickford.
I challenge Mr Prickford that this was perhaps because none of those payments actually existed back in the late 1800s as the welfare state hadn’t actually been formed yet and that life was generally brutal and quick for most unfortunate back then, regardless of nationality or creed.
“Cllr Fitzbollocks assured me that if fackin bloody foreigners do end in a precious disused industrial estate miles from me then there will be at least some pure blood British culture included to keep me happy too. I suggested a Wetherspoons which has a special meaning to me as I bet my first wife to a bloody pulp there on our Honeymoon in Manchester, forcing her to miscarry,” lamented Prickford.
“The bigot of the woods can form no conception of beings possessed of properties differing from his own: it requires, indeed, a mind considerably tinctured with science, and enlarged by cultivation to contemplate itself, not as the centre and model of the Universe, but as one of the infinitely various multitude of beings of which it is actually composed.” – A Refutation of Deism, Percy Bysshe Shelley
“My job as a local representative is to keep all my competitors happy, even if they are English and seen by many locals as “the Auld Enemy”, but I weighed up the options and tis better the British devil I know nothing about dan de refugee from god only knows where!” argued Cllr Fitzbollocks.
“So along with the 50 international protection applicants, we will also introduce 50 unvetted, fighting age, single boozed up and tattooed Brits into the mix too. I am hopeful this cultural exchange will lead to common values being found. We have also inserted a 100% pure English family into the compound too, because everyone knows families are no threat to anybody, just look at Fred and Rose West!”
Tune in next week to find out what happens when Arkla’s Scottish-origin Walkers, English-origin Mates, Anglo-Norman-origin Russells and Scandanavian-origin Doyles, to name but a few, drop mushrooms with the newly arrived British immigrants and realise nationalities are merely social constructs devised by the elites to divide and conquer.
“I have often wondered, that persons who make a boast of professing the Christian religion, namely, love, joy, peace, temperance, and charity to all men, should quarrel with such rancorous animosity, and display daily towards one another such bitter hatred, that this, rather than the virtues they claim, is the readiest criterion of their faith.” – Theological-Political Treatise, Benedict de Spinoza
