In a week that saw everyone from Jedward to the Taoiseach jumping on the grief bandwagon, it came as no surprise everyone’s favorite feminist institution- De Church- wasted no time in kicking that political football harder than an industrial schoolboy.
With the blood of countless Irish women and their infants already on the clergy’s hands, the callous slaying of a young woman was never going to prevent the various bishops from exploiting yet another woman’s body for their own gain.
I caught up with Arklow’s favorite pontificating prick, Father Peter File, to gauge his views on this sudden rewriting of canon history by his ecclesiastical superiors.
“Ah, I wouldn’t take my colleague too seriously, sure what better way of rehabilitating our tattered image than to shamelessly hijack the public mourning of a young girls death. Politicians, feminists, misogynists, journalists, artists narcists, attention seekers, influencers and xenophobes are all at it, so we may as well stick our oar in.”
“Thanks to the bishop’s crocodile tears we can cash in on the current wave of public emotion, whilst going right back to business as usual Monday morning. Denouncing sex before marriage, abortion access, LGTBQ rights, female priests and anything else those silly women think they might want is the reason I get out of bed in the morning!”
“Sure our unique brand of Irish Catholicism has always promoted the safety and rights of cailíns everywhere. The Mother and Baby Homes and Magdalene laundries captured, enslaved and tortured women when nobody else would step up to provide this valuable societal service,” File claimed.
“We didn’t manage to keep them chained to the kitchen forever through, but at least we have still kept them out of the priesthood! The thoughts of a nun even reciting mass repulses and amuses me so,” File stated.
I respond to Fr. Files’ candidness with some scripture I thought he may find relevant to this debate.
“Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
“As you know all too well by now my dear boy, we clergy never follow our own bullshit, we just expect everyone else too,” he heartily retorted.
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